No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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