i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
