First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
