Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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