after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize