you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize