i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
