This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
