I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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