ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
