oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
