Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
