I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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