I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
