she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
