Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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