I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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