If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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