I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize