I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't turn off my feet"
I AM VODKA MAN
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
