im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
