i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
