She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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