new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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