im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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