Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
