I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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