So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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