Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
