I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
