Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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