I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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