She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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