Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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