Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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