We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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