I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is Oprah even human
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
