i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
