That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
