I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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