my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
well you can't waste a boner
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
