so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I need moral support for this bender
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
