how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
