i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
