Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize