you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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