Tell her she can't have a vagina
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize