i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This toilet bowl is my home.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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