Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm too high and old for this...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
