i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
