I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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