I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize