Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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