and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
