Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
