I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
