No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize