Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
