Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
