what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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