My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
