I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
