We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize