My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm like, not good at living.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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