i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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