Will you blow on my dice?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
